Redeeming Grace

Christian camps are a delight in that everyone is friendly and helpful and caring. Selfishness becomes a forgotten attribute and everyone strives to be better behaved. Troubled ones are willing to share, and helping hands are abundant. There is a balanced act of receiving and giving, and we tend to reach out more to God in our actions and speech. We face God a good 24 hours a day as long as the camp lasts but after that, out we face the world again. God somehow seems more distant in the real world. It does not have to be that way, but more often than not, it just seems to appear that way.

The last session by Annette was titlted "Redeeming Grace". The talk centred around coming back to God, and how our lives on Earth serve as a survivor lesson rather than a race against time to realise our ambitions.

I was surprised, even shocked, at my indignance towards the way of life that God wants me to lead. I learnt that lesson in an activity we participated in- Missing In Action. The gameplan of the activity goes like this: each person is led to a room where the thing he would see is a giant screen projected against the wall. On the screen is a collection of pictures. To each picture a number is assigned. The person, after a quick glance at the screen, must choose a number. To which a seat is assigned. The person would not know the meaning of the picture until after the activity.

This is how it went for me. I got into the room, had a quick glance at the screen. None of the pictures had much meaning to me, none but one that depicts a labcoat and a stethoscope. I thought to myself that I couldn't be wrong if I were to choose that picture. I made the decision without zero hesitation. Such was the mere act of choosing a picture that revealed the purpose that has been the driving force in my life thus far.

I was quite proud of myself. The confidence was all but vapourised when I found out the meaning to each picture. Confidence turned into shame. It was only at that point of my life, I realised I had been kidding with myself. I chose medicine because I thought it was a noble profession and having done so little in my life plus knowing that God has been so generous with His blessings to my family, I thought I should give back to society. I would lend a hand to God to help Him help my earthly breathren. And what a better way to do that than to help sick people.

I was terribly wrong. The route was there for me to travel, it is all mapped out for me. But the reasons that got me into med school were wrong. Does God need my service? Can He not, in one breath, blow a wind of cure that will rid the world of sickness and diseases? He does not need me, but He wants me. And by secretly but openly guiding me towards this path, He's bringing me closer to Him. From all the hardships I've been through while I've been in IMU, I'm starting to recognize the person that He wants me to be. I still have a long way to go.

We are incomplete homes to the holy spirit. I'm constantly at a construction site. I'm the construction site and the worker, and God the architect. I am, however, a very stubborn or unwise labourer, unwilling or too silly or too preoccupied or not giving sufficient concentration in following the instructions of the building plan. The result could be fatal, could be good or there could just be a few leaks here and there when the building is completed. But here's the catch: we get an unlimited amount of time and funding with the construction, and the work only stops at the architect's command. The other catch is that the architect is always willing to listen and help, all we need to do is just to reach out to Him, it's really as simple as that. The rule of the game is He's always willing to help, and He's always there to oversee the progress, but we have to do the work ourselves.

Life is full of stumbles. Like a project, sometimes we rush the schedule and finish the work too fast. Therein lies the problem, too many mistakes were made along the way. If things turned out not as bad as they should be, good. But what if the foundation was not meticulously laid out? We hit rock bottom, we crumble, and we shatter into pieces. But with God's grace, all is not lost as long as He gives us breath. We shall pick up the pieces and start rebuilding. If God says it's not time to give up yet, we shall not give up. Goes does not intend for us to finish the work ahead of schedule, He intends for us to finish the work properly.

The messages shared by Annette had a common reminder: God is watching us. He's looking after us and He's monitoring our progress. However, He's not just watching from the sidelines, He provides nourishment when we're dry, energy when we're fatigued, and protection when we're scared. He provides help when we need it.

Kitchen knives, being sharp objects, can be used to cause injuries: when they penetrate the skin, they leave scars. When we look at the scars, we are reminded the danger they impose, so we avoid them, we keep them safe compartments. Nonetheless, they'd still be there because we need them. They are tools to cook.

Bad memories, terrible memories are tools for our development purposes. When we're hurt by certain events, we keep them in places they can no longer inflict harm to us. But they don't disappear. They do not cease to exist, they leave scars for us to remember they hurt us before. But rather than fearing them, utilise them to grow. Tap into those memories to help us reach out to God, and God, sensing our insecurities, will come to our aid and redeem us. Come home to God.

At the end of the talk, Annette asked us to write on these clear pebbles the greatest lessons we've learnt in life. Maybe not a lesson, perhaps a memory that haunts us. She asked us to cast the pebbles onto the the floor, in the middle of the hall we were in. It's a symbol that we were handing over the largest insecurities in our lives to God. Memories which are halting our growth, which are disrupting our relationship with God. Rather than being embittered by those experiences, hand them over to God, so that He can manifest Himself to us to guide us the meanings of those memories. He knows our fragility, He's our heavenly father and He wants to protect us, and He can only do so if we surrender to Him. He continues knocking on the door, but He will not force His way into our lives should we not welcome Him.

Annette named the action of writing on and the casting of the pebbles "The Ebenezer Trail". The word Ebenezer means "so far, God's been in my heart" (Bible verses from 1 Samuel Chapters 6 and 7). The word trail is self explanatory. It's a trail, He does not come out of nowhere, all of a sudden, He's always been there. It's up to us to trace the trail, and discover Him.

Redeeming Relationship with God

What are the frequently asked questions in life? As a kid, I had always wondered where everything comes from. I remember hearing that the world was going to end. No one had exactly taught me the existence of God at that point. Strangely, I wrote a small note and hid it behind my father's altar. In the note, I asked God to save this world, and to protect my family. I was six years old. My mum eventually found the note, and had to assure me that everything was fine. Such was the need for God even for children. If the question about afterlife, and the person who is behind all creations and the reason why so many good and bad things are happening in this world haven't been asked, I think it's safe to say that we are in one way or another, blinded by what we're pursuing. This planet is so intricately designed. Everything works consistently, we have the same amount of time everyday, same amount of days every year, the fact that any object that is thrown upwards will go back to the ground. Everything is in order. The universe is so vast that even with giant sized telescopes we are not able to navigate the entire universe, let alone explore it in a spaceship. Forget about the universe, the sea is so deep and vast, that even though it's in our planet, so many marine species are still unidentified. There's still so much to learn about our planet!

This title was perhaps the most important session that Annette gave. But because it deals with a being that is so powerful and superior to us, there are bound to be many questions that we simply can't answer. Why does God allow poverty? Why does God allow people to be born blind? Why is the war monger achieving his targets? Why are drug lords so rich when some of us who toil for meagre incomes, are never able to catch a break? Why why why? There're so many whys in this world, but are those whys directed to our friends, to our parents, to the "all-knowing" Oprah Winfrey, or to God? Who are we directing the questions to? In our disbelief, are we willing to open up and question a superior being, why is injustice, corruption still occuring? Are we willing to challenge ourselves to look for and thereby prove the existence of a God? If you haven't, challenge yourself, do it now, because God does exist, and He will answer your prayers, no matter how unreasonable they are. He's but our God, not a genie rubbed out of a bottle. If you're willing to wait for His answers, willing to acccept His answers, He will answer. Please read Isaiah 40:28. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. He will reveal Himself to those who seek Him.

Our life is like a portrait being painted. Are we daring enough to see the sketches? Are we daring enough to examine our lives, weigh the ups and downs, happy and unhappy moments, proud and humiliating moments in our lives? Do we take credit for all the proud moments in our lives but blame god for bringing us down? Good and bad experiences, are still experiences, they happen for reasons unbeknown to us. All things happen for a reason. The main question is this, are we willing to wrestle with God. I once heard a sermon by Pastor Suresh. He was telling us about the life of Jacob. Jacob committed a lot of sins, and there's one that is particularly detestable: he stole the birthright that is supposed to be given to his brother, Esau. Despite his iniquities, he found favour in God's eyes. Slowly and eventually, he was transformed into another person- a good person- because he kept God in his heart. He prayed and was willing to listen, so he changed and became a much better person.

I can't find another suitable way to say this. God is a god. He will only present Himself to those who humble and surrender themselves before Him. If you're ready to accept God, remember that He's God Almighty, the creator of heaven and earth, the first and the last. If we can give huge recognitions to people who discovered gravity, e= mc² etc etc, why not to the one who created everything to make it possible for us to discover them?

Please note that this entry is loosely based on Annette's talk. I couldn't take much notes from this session. Give me feedbacks if I made any mistake :)

Bible verses are from the book of Exodus chapters 2, 3, 33 and Numbers 20.

Redeeming Relationship with Family

The score was 2-1 for Team Blue. I was playing for Team Red. A team mate was having the ball, maintaining possession. He couldn't make up his mind who to pass the ball to, everyone in Team Red were tightly marked. One of us broke free, and as he was trying to signal for a pass, out of nowhere, the ball was stolen from the person on the ball. Everyone in our team knew we had to track back. It would be harder to catch up should they bang in another goal. We had to get back to defence fast, or chances to bounce back into the game would be minimal.

The second session by Annette Arulrajah dealt with family relationships. Bible Verses were mainly from 2 Samuel 18. The verses give the account of the relationship between David (father) and Absalom (son).

A family unit is important to a person's development. We receive nurturing, care and love from our family members. Our very first interaction with people starts at home. Basically, everything in life that we face later on when we leave our home to face the big, big world, we learn from under a roof that shelters our parents, our siblings and even our relatives.

We were heavily dependent on our parents and older siblings when we were young. A family leaves huge imprints on our lives. When we grow more mature, it is our time to give back to the family. Our family units need imprints of us. We must not forsake our duty to our families.

What imprints have your family leave on you? There are positive and negatives sides to family imprints, it's all part and parcel of humanity: no one's perfect. Broken and shattered pieces can be ignored, but like a pair of torn pants, the hole grows bigger if not sewn back together.

From 2 Samuel 18, we learn about David's relationship with his family. He had a lot of wives and children. All demanded attention from him, and every one of them should receive equal attention from him. David was, however, another dweller of this world. He had 24 hours a day, and as a king, he had more time taken away from spending time with all his wives and children. Bit by bit, he couldn't help but become uninvolved with his family matters.

Then it happened. Amnon raped Tamar. David was furious, but did not move a hand against his son Amnon for the despicable act. Absalom, noticing his father's inaction, decided he must take the matter into his own hands. He decided the penalty to the act was death. So he plotted a plan to murder Amnon. Amnon was killed by his brother, Absalom, for raping his sister, Tamar. Once again, David was furious, but did not move a hand against Absalom for the despicable act.

What we see here is the epitome of an inefficient leader of a household who refuses to deal with a situation, even when the call for his intervention is dire. What is so important about the message is that grieviences and arguments that have taken place, cannot be ignored. God convicts us to act when there is brokenness. It is His intention that we must act when the situation requires. God can put back the broken pieces together, through us! Miracles only happen when we allow God to use us to put back the broken pieces together. Read Psalm 103.

A quote by Charles Dickens: Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. Forgiveness occurs over and over again. Do not be demoralised when we can't seem to forget a hurt a loved one inflicted on us. Forgiveness occurs over and over again because we never really forget. It is never too late. Sometimes, we must move back to go forward. We have to look back into the past, so we can deal with a hurt that is still haunting us. Going back, looking back does not mean we're receding. Sometimes, we move a step back, so we can move two or three or a hundred steps forward.

- TR

Redeeming Relationship With Yourself

I remember the times I attended Sunday School- the memories were sweet and pleasant, and those were the times when everything seemed simple. I remember the fellowship I shared with my sunday school friends, the games we played. I remember how patient and dedicated my sunday school teachers were. There's one moment that's particularly adhesive to my wall of thoughts. It was an exercise where a list of actions were spread out on a piece of paper, and with the guidance of the teacher, we wrote down what the world thinks about those actions, and what the Bible says about the actions. We ran down the points, one by one. Back then, I didn't really have much idea in what the exercise was about. It was fun nonetheless, and back then, fun was all that matters.

It's ironic really, the person you are is usually best defined by a family member or a close friend. It's our prerogative to interact. Without interaction, we lose ourselves, we lose recognition of who we are. We are designed to connect. "Everything in life, the person we are, are designed to connect".

The first talk by Annette was uplifting. It was divided into 3 parts. The first part is titled Rocked By Our World, followed by The Radical Assurance and lastly, On Eagle's Wings.

Life is about improving ourselves. We are rocks being sharpened into double edged swords. When no work is done to chisel our individuality, we deteriorate. When we do not move forward, we recede. Time does not wait for us, we can't stand still in one place. Whether we like it or not, we're being forced to move. If you're lucky, you can stand still but yet move. That's when you're standing on a escalator platform, but life has more junctions and hurdles than just a travellator to aid your journey. It's never too late, as long as we've breath in us, there's time for positive changes.

There are two types of behaviour (in this context) that we can find in people- one who look for acceptance all the time, and one who has no self criticism. Annette gave us an interesting quote by Jane A Pike:

"A man needs self-acceptance or he can't live with himself; he needs self criticism or others can't live with him"

Let's deal with the latter type, first. What defines our image? The work that we do? The appearance that we put up for others to see? If I had an image consultant, how would I want my image to be boosted? What parts of me would I choose to be showed off, and what features would I choose to hide? What sort of image do we portray? We have mental pictures of how we portray ourselves, but do they come off in reality?The important question is, do we know ourselves good enough to strive towards the person we want ourselves to be?

When the going gets tough, we lose ourselves. We are rocked by our world. We misidentify the uniqueness that God has set to each of us. We forget that we're created in His image, every single one of us. We succumb into the trap that the evil one has set for us, that we fall prey to it. And even in those times, we refuse to take off the blindfold to see clearly that we were wrong in our perceptions towards life. Up to the time that we're finally ready to take off the blindfold, we continue running in circles in the traphole, when all we need to do is just to tug the offering hand. He'll pull us back to the ground. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 12.28-30

Annette gave tons of stories from her real-life experiences to back her points. In my notes, I omitted the stories because I couldn't help but give my hundred percent in listening to her when she starts her stories. Which is why my notes aren't going to be half as interesting as listening to her live. Anyway, moving on...

Different voices drive us. In Ruth 1:1-22, we read of how Naomi suffered. Here is a joyful person, full of youth, warmth, pleasantness and joy (as her name actually means). Her life took one wrong turning after another when her husband died, and her sons left he, leaving her a widow and a childless mother, plus the burden of seeing her two daugher-in-laws without husbands. The voice she might had been hearing at that point of her life: You're a failure. You jinxed your whole family! You're the cause of your husband's and sons' deaths.

Naomi was haunted. She felt robbed of her joy. Everywhen she went, she carried a sense of shame. So bitter was she that she asked people around her to stop calling her Naomi. So bitter was she that she renamed herself Mara (bitter). She was honest with herself, and little did Naomi realise how her life, how her perseverance would pave the way for Ruth, how Ruth's life, in return, would be a pavement to the birth of Jesus.

We are living reactions. How we react to happenings define us. More people are breaking down, resorting to drugs, smoking, drinking, suicide, self mutilation, and the list is endless. Rather than reacting, let's offer our lives to God. We can't live with our strength. The helping hand is within grasp, His strength is immense. He can pull us out of any difficulty. Let's redeem ourselves, and with God's help, that's sure to happen.

- TR

IMU CF Camp 2008

A few months prior to the camp, I felt a strong revelation from God to dwell deeper in the subject of fellowship. It happened during our semester break, when I came across the Our Journey title- Self Focused Living. It was convicting, the voice that kept me going towards that direction, that's telling me how important fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ is. Pondering in retrospect, I believe I should have asked God, why fellowship? Why is He asking this of me when there're so many other things in my life that I should improve? What's so great about fellowship anyway? I have always walked this journey with God alone. Do I really need anyone else to help me walk this path with my Lord? Isn't Christianity a personal relationship I share with God? Mostly true, but I took the whole definition out of context.

Come the commencement of Semester 4, our bible study group restarted. And I realised how important fellowship is. I didn't realise how much I relish the opportunity to hear opinions and that discussions play a vital role in our Christian walk . My relationship with God turned mundane over the period of time when I was in Ipoh, because I kept shrugging off the importance of fellowship. How wrong I was to think that I could build on a relationship with God without the help of others!

I signed myself up for the camp for a mere reason that is to reignite the fire I had for God during the entire process that led up to EoS 3. Our Christian walk is full of fire ignitions. It was for the same reason that I agreed with SL and PS to do this bible study together.

To be honest, the camp's theme had not any appeal on me. I knew only of one thing when I handed in the registration form, that I seriously need to devote one weekend to God, I needed to get back to the rhythm I was experiencing. What really captivated me was how passionate the camp speaker (Sister Annnette Arulrajah) was with her job. And then the whole circle of realisation about fellowship was completed. It wasn't just about the talks, it includes how perfectly well the camp was organized, and the rapturing sight of a few familiar faces responding to the altar call, and the games we played, and the fellowship I shared with my dorm mates and my group members.

The camp theme was Designed to Connect. Annette shared 4 messages in the camp:
1) redeeming relationship with self
2) redeeming relationship with family
3) redeeming relationship with God
4) redeeming grace

If a person is to redeem a relationship when it's completely broken, it's not late, but it would prove a daunting task. In life, there have got to be bits and pieces which we left on the ground that we try to ignore and at times, step on them to create a diversion, a shortcut, a safeguard to our already disturbed mind that they're still there. Broken pieces, broken hearts, can't be mended till they're dealt with no matter what the world tells u. Ignorance does not do the job, dealing does. And there isn't no better way to deal with them than with the helping hand that's always, constantly, 24/7, hovering over us. And that's exactly what God was trying to etch into my heart. I refuse to suffer from my transgressions and the hurt I've caused my loved ones, God and myself included. It's essential for us to open our minds, and with soft hearts, listen to what He has to tell us.

Which leads me to the talks by Annette. So ya, I'll copy the notes from the first talk by Annette into the next post. Hope they're as good as hearing her live :)

Ecclesiastes

Hey everyone, sorry for the lack of updates. I've been bugged by daily diarrhoea and invisible hammers seem to take a liking towards knocking my temple. Please continue praying for our study group. And Pris, thanks for the comments, u've been lending a huge hand in helping to keep this blog running.

Anyway, read this :) It's a short summary on what the whole book of Ecclesiastes is about.

-TR